This weekend I went to the coast. I packed up my suitcase, filled a bag with edible goodies (well, edible for others - molasses cookies, choco/butterscotch cookies, peanut-butter filled pretzels — I went wild on my whole wheat tortillas and string cheese - par-tay!), unearthed my sleeping bag, and loaded up into my friend’s mini (van) for a time of laughter, fellowship, worship, and aloneness.

As alone as one can be when one also brings along one’s wiggly-worm with suction-cup-appendages son.

I took Little A.

This is his second trip to the coast. Last time I also brought our personal assistant (a.k.a. Hubby), but he couldn’t come this time because he doesn’t have the right bits and pieces for a Women’s Retreat (thank HEAVENS - for the bits and pieces part, not the not being able to come part). My friends all swore it would be okay: in fact, they threatened never to speak to me again if I didn’t come, which would mean the only verbal interaction I would get forever and ever would be with my children, and that’s just not a thought that sounds appealing at the moment.

But see, they don’t understand. They don’t know how Little A jumps faster and faster in his jumperoo when he thinks I’m going to pick them up, and then pounds and wails when I walk by. They don’t know how I have to hide in the kitchen from him at night while he’s with Hubby, because if I pass by and he glimpses me, he wails just like the local firefighter alarm call. And they’re not familiar with a) my children’s imperative need for naps and 2) their seemingly inability to sleep unless they are in Lock Down mode (i.e. limbs pinned within an inch of their lives).

They know now.

Actually, it was a wonderful weekend. I enjoyed hanging out with folks I don’t see on a regular basis. I cracked up watching friends throw around marshmellows while blindfolded. I inwardly laughed seeing my friends, after a long talk about natural foods and picking on certain things that contained too many transfats or high fructose corn syrup or not truly organic enough elements, eat oreos and gushers and gummi bears.

And Little A and I bonded. Folks held him, of course. They needed baby fixes: he was helpful in that their baby needs soon passed as he squirmed and craned to see me and jumped and jumped and jumped in their arms. But people stepped in despite his cuddlylessness and offered to take him he believed that if he were to stop pounding on me that the world would cease to function. And I feel a little more confident in my ability to handle him without Hubby (plus my arms got a lovely workout) — but boy howdy, was I glad to see Hubby when I got home, for many reasons.

Checking my email Monday morning I received a delightful message titled “no doubt written just for you” from a friend who seems to know me and my little ones so well. And so I’ll share this blessing with you, even if you can’t relate at the moment, because my oh my: how my children really enable my heart to walk (or jump) about on a different set of legs.

“Day Bath” by Debra Spencer from Pomegranate. © Hummingbird Press, 2004.
Reprinted with permission.

Day Bath
for my son

Last night I walked him back and forth,
his small head heavy against my chest,
round eyes watching me in the dark,
his body a sandbag in my arms.
I longed for sleep but couldn’t bear his crying
so bore him back and forth until the sun rose
and he slept. Now the doors are open,
noon sunlight coming in,
and I can see fuchsias opening.
Now we bathe. I hold him, the soap
makes our skins glide past each other.
I lay him wet on my thighs, his head on my knees,
his feet dancing against my chest,
and I rinse him, pouring water
from my cupped hand.
No matter how I feel, he’s the same,
eyes expectant, mouth ready,
with his fat legs and arms,
his belly, his small solid back.
Last night I wanted nothing more
than to get him out of my arms.
Today he fits neatly
along the hollow my thighs make,
and with his fragrant skin against mine
I feel brash, like a sunflower.

Little A Adventures, Mama Musings